I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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