Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
