He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
