fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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