How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
