he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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