I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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