id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
