She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
