This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
