You're so nebulous sometimes
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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