it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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