Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
