my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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