i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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