the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
