Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
