It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
