Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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