I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
These tits shall not be calmed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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