so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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