I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
