She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
