he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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