I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you guys were way drunker than both of me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sorry my hands just texted you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
