finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
