what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Two words: nipple clamps
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