So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
