Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
