I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
