that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
