Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
