I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
