I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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