I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
