ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
