im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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