dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
