well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
