my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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