i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
