i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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