dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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