Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so let's talk penis.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
