So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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