its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
