My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
