From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
