No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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