Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
